Monologue

This is the monologue i have to perform in 6and a bit hours

dear god

Please protect me from evil please deliever me from peril please give me the courage and the strength to face this god forsaken day

I'm sorry i didnt mean god forsaken i meant. . . i dont know what i meant

Dear god

please forgive me for all the evil and weak things i have done in my life, please forgive me for all the people whom i have hurt and grant them the strength and the wisdom and the clarity to forgive me to. and for those who would hurt me lord. . .please just. .. use your instincts presuming you have instincts which might seem . .. um/. . . more animal which i dunno whether that's and insult animal or suggesting that animal is insulting is a greater crime sin. seeing as all animal are, of course, beautiful. just as all nature is, and in fact, at times more beautiful than many humans, well. . . depending on the type of species of animal or plant. . .or the specific hair cut any given human might be supporting at that particular point. .. .

im sorry

strike this prayer!

can anyone actually delete a prayer?

dear lord!

please give me the courage and strength on this day in this world this world which is a frightening place

no offence

Just let me know if there's anything i should do. . . . or you know, don't let me know. . .. i'll just um . .. . have faith. . . i'll jus figure something else out

I'm just saying when things dont go so well on any given day, or week (indicating him) or 7 year period (indicating herself) im just saying

anywya thanks for you time, i know its infinate but thanks anyway

with love from your number one fan

pocshy

I can't breathe

I can't breathe and i can barely see, tears are gushing from my eyes and my 17inch laptop screen is just a blur i can barly make out the letters i am trying to type to paige.

I can't believe i've got myself worked up in such a state about this i don't even know why i jus read a txt from Ryan saying how the fact i'm so talented and every1 knows i'll do well, but that's just sent another load of tears coming through.

I think its worse cause i know every1 expects me to do well and im gonna screw it up i know i will i've been practising this dam monologue for days but i know as soon as i'll get in there

it'll vanish from my brain, i don't why but i have a feeling it will,

why am i in such a state?!

arghh!

this has absolutely no structure to it points ive made i keep reffering back to in which your not suppose to do in a blog my mind is a mess at the moment every time i try to calm my self down its just gets worse and i jus fail to see straight or even think straight i can barely breath at this moment in time as my nose is blocked from all the crying i think my tears have washed off the massive amounts of spot cream i squirted onto my face 2 hours ago.

every1's telling me to sleep

but i can't

i just can't

i'm waking myself up at 8 2morrow to clean the house before Victoria comes and desperately helps me, i know she will help me, she is honestly brilliant like that, but i have never seen her caring side so i need to be on the ball other wise im jus gonna get caught out and right now i am nowhere near that state of mind i need to be in for that and i need to get myself there in 7 hours and god only knows how im going to do that, im tempted into drinking myself into some nice little pit at the bottom of my bed or underneath my bed at least but i can't i have to be sober when she comes, yes. 100% in the right frame of mind body and soul not pissed out my face of fear.

I don''t even know why i've gotten so worked up about this either! its just a school and at the end of the day if i go back to Beaverwood it wouldn't matter anyway! coz miss white is leaving and they'll get someone else but it think it's more than that, i need a change, i need to be thrown in at the deep end of a pool in which i have no idea where it is or where it will lead me, it might be good for me. . . .?

I don't know where im going with this or what time it is but i know this, In approximately 6 hours and 15 minutes and woman with great power who i admire greatly will be in my house, and i have to reach her expectations, same with Ravenswood i will jus be myself and see what comes from it, that's all ive ever done,

don't think just do

50/50 chance they turn out for the better/worse

It's Up again *laughs at sexual innuendo*

Right! I'm back again for like the 4th time on this bloody thing and its all because of Stacey Crawford, or ginge! either way it's her fault after she's posted a blog about me i thought might as well mention her ehy?

Well what to write, havn't been on here in a while the designs are pretty kool i have to admit, bought a morph suit i'll be wearing for a party, yehh i know as ya do, but hey ho it's me what do you expect.

I'll be writting more soon i just need a wee and a shower and bed atm so hence the shortness

TTFN

last day!

Last day here waheyy! only another say 7 hours to go ¬ ¬ ahh well i'll fine something relitivly productive to do in that time.

Went st pancres again to see my mate hm... . think im gettin to to deep with him he's awsomme guy but also 26 :/ not good!

Have nothing to rant about this morning! I spend the last few hours of yesterday e-mailing grace about how our best friend is masterbating over her girlfriend i love winding her up it soo jokes.
she got the work experience lady who got us all the placments comming to see her now i think it is unlucky is all i say to her becuase she does exactly what i do which is nothink! fun fun fun!

Peak of my day was the morning but thats gone so sad times :(

even more sad times im as ill as fuck and feel like shit its horrible just want to die :(

TTFN

I have found somethink to rant about

Last night i remember watching a programme called . . jimmy's food farm or jamie or sme1's and on it basically showed us what goes into our food like everyday foods so cornflakes coffee things you wouldnt wonder twice about.
This guy basically showed us how to make conflakes and this is how: You had to take the hard curdles then you have to skin them and take out the inside so thats all the protein and the vitamins then you have to cook them for 2 hours in a highpressure cooker then after that he made a solution of all the goodness he had taken out but puttin it back in forms of crushed tablets and iron fillings and he even got a magnet out and took it to the pot of filings it was mental all of that then made into a nicce green mushy liquid which he put int a plant sprayer. After that he then put all the cooked corn between 2 plastic sheets and stuck it through a mangle yess through a mangel which squished them after that! He then used a blow torch to make thm chripsy and hard now that's how to make you breakfast XD

He also did how you make coffee but that's to long explaining and i wasnt really listerning to that one.

End of the day nearly am i've sat in the same spot for 8 hours moving only to go to the toilet/printer/to get food/ or to make tea soo productive day ehy? I did actually start doing work in which benifits me, its the kind of work in which is optional but because you are bored out of your mind you find your self doin anyway. It was theatretrain homework in which nobody does but since i have nothing better to do i did and did a whole page of character profile for the evil step mother i was quite proud of it as well since i spent a whole week readin dam plays i think i should be! I'm also watchin devil wears parad purly because i want to and need to but. . cant play it out loud so hence and watching it mute so only have moving pictures! Fun times! fun times!

Only another 45 minuets before i can escape! waheyy!!
another blogg 2 mx morning most prob! XD

TTFN!

4th day of work experience

Yes! only one more day before in out of this hell hole! XD

came in at 10.20 which was earlier than i expected i went and saw my mate at st Pancres again so thought i'd knock up around 10.30ish but looks like his way of getting waterloo was better than mine but he is a ticket guy and know tickets and trains like the back of his hand.

When i got in i thought Hattie would be here but she wasn't so i was a bit hm. . . and that was half an hour ago still no one is here when i walked in the computer behind me was on with warm coffee by its side but no person creepy!

I thought i'd make myself useful while waiting for the computer to load so i decided to clean the sink *writer mode*

I stumbled into the box sized kitchen of this office blocked and peered into the sink, aboundence of cups, wine glasses, spoons, forks and sporks lay sprawled at the bottom covered by a gross layer of dried coffee on top of it.
I started with the cutlery cleaning the spoons, forks and sporks of there coffee stained outside. The circular stains had rims of dried coffee the more rims they had the longer it has been there - nice.

I went through about 10 different size spoons tea and table then there was a table spoon but shaped more oval than usual and a teaspoon with and excedingly long handle.
As i fished and washed through the vast aray of different size spoons i discovered the spoons and cups weren't the only things to have coffee stains on them, the bottom of the sink had muiltiple circular stains i stared in horror wondering how long it actualy had been since a spoon, a tea cup anything! Had been washed in this sink, in honesty. . . i didnt want to know.
I slowly and carfuly moved onto the tea cups washing the ones in which i could see to the bottom of the cup then to the one in which i couldnt the worse one i think was a short and fat dark green cup in which there was coffee granuels in the bottom where the coffee was there had evapourated then clumped together forming small blobbs then water had been poured ito it once more and the granuals had failed to dessolve yeh that was the worse one.
After i finshed the last cup i looked over to the drying rack of gleaming cups and cutlery and i could swear i could hear the cups screaming thank you at me. I smiled then poured myself a well deserved cup of tea. :)

Planns for today. . . well i have noidear when and actual member is comming in so until then i'll will most probaly stay on the computer till further notice then when she does will migrate to the tv in the other room quite hungary thinking of popping out to get food at some point the suasage roll thing i had yesterday was really filling and bloody delicious.

I've had a cough since monday from that stupid mocha thing from starbucks!! I would say i'll never have one again because of that but. . . i know that aint true.
So i've had a cough tues and wed grrr. . . and about 5 minuets ago it just moved onto a cold running nose and that horrible salavary stuff you get at the back of your throat discusting! I used to be able to get rid of it with in a few days my plann was just to drink aboundence of water and it would go with in a day but. . . that plan is failing to work this time I think i might have used it a bit to much so hence. . . im immune to it which is kinda shit but i seriously need to get rid off my cold/cough w.e before the weekend comes. why you ask? for personal reasons XD

At this current time i have just run out of things to rant on about so i will more probally be back on within and hour or so to tell thee what has been goin on

TTFN!

Work Ex perience!

Woaahhh! Havn't been on here in a long time! why i hear you ask? Couldn't be bothered is the real reason and just lost interest in the idear of putting what you did in a day or a random subject on the web. But I have grown so bored in these past days that i have decided to reboot this up just for the next few days.

In the first day of work experience i found. . . uninteresting and seriously boring i read 7 scripts had 2 convosations and. . .ate

2nd day of work experience i read a script which is basically a convosation between to people and is 2 cm thick then at the end you find out that the two people is the same person just older and younger. I also spend 2 hours watching plays.

my aims for 2day is- 10 till 12 on computer blogging facebooking and anythink else of relevant interest. 12 till 2 watching plays of. . . interesting standards. 2 till 4 reading plays. 4 till 5 will jus be spread through out the day as toilet breaks or food eatting breaks or tea drinking breaks.

I have made a friend!
Her name is Hattie and she's here on an intership thingy she came in bout 10 minuets ago and we talked about how boring it is for her and then was like on my first day i just sat and read scripts and i was like yeahh thats my whole week so things are looking good.

Last night i had the weirdest dream!
I was in a dimmly lit house on the landing there was a faded red carpet on the floor and 4 doors as you came up the stairs two doors were on the wall you were facing and 1 to you right and 1 to your left. I walked into the one on your right to find a trash heap of clothes sprawed out on the floor, the room had a blue tint to it, cream walls with a matteress on the floor covered in items of clothing shoes and other unamable objects.
I looked up to hear a voice it was chelsery fairclough we were friends in like year8 then after i moved forms we just failed to talk to each other anymore.
she turns to me and said "I've tiggeriesed your room"
i look around the room and drawen into a corner i throw vaious t-shirts and jeans to find a pile of tigger shirts and cudderly toys in the corner, hats, bandages, everything just in a heap in the corner.

That was one section of my dream XD there is another but i'm gonna just leave that one.

hopefully I should be putting more lovly posts like this one on in due days to come but until then TTFN !